Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Grace...Cut to Fit

My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:9 (Message)

This week I am taking a Chaplaincy Training class. I took this course last year, but there is so much information that it is worth sitting through again. But this time, I am seeing it through different eyes.

Today we talked about the grieving process. I knew it would be a difficult day. I was prepared... box of tissue in hand; waterproof mascara applied. I knew the story that was going to be told as an example of a sudden and heartbreaking loss and how the family dealt with it...it was the same story that was told in last years class. But this time, I was hearing it with different ears...

I listened with a compassionate heart as this mother told of her 5 year old son who went from a healthy, vibrant, active little boy at breakfast to sudden death after lunch. No warning....no time to prepare. Just a sudden and quick illness that took his life. My mother's heart could only imagine her pain at the loss of a child; my daughter's heart could relate to the suddenness of the loss after losing my mom and aunt to a sudden car accident.

However, when our Children's Pastor began to tell his story of going to the hospital to be with the family and described the things he saw in the hospital, my mind went back. In an instant....

I was back in Texas in that hospital room with Momma
I heard the machine that kept pumping oxygen into her lungs
I saw the numbers on the monitor as they dropped
I felt her hand in mine as I watched her take her last breath...

And it was as if the air had been sucked out of the room.
I couldn't breathe....
I had to leave....

Pastor Cindi had told us at the start of the day that it would be a hard day. She said that we would want to get up and leave. She asked us to stay. And I knew in my heart of hearts she was talking to me. But I just couldn't continue to sit there...

I got up and walked out the back into the hall and leaned up against the wall and began to weep. My husband followed me out and just held me. My friend, Vanessa came and hugged me and we went outside for fresh air and deep breaths.

I wish I could say the rest of the day got better; but there was more to deal with. As we talked about the grieving process and what we can do to come along side those who have dealt with a loss, there were reminders of the love and support I received.

Cards that came just at the right time
Text messages,
facebook notifications

On one of our breaks this afternoon, I told Pastor Cindi, "I am not having fun today!" She smiled in her quiet and compassionate way and said, "I know...I prayed for you this morning." She knew this would be a hard day for me. But then she reminded me, "His grace is sufficient; cut to fit the exact situation you are in".

I came home from this day absolutely exhausted. Ate dinner and went to bed. But before I went to sleep, I heard from my oldest sister, Debbi. She had been out to the crash site...the first time since the accident 10 weeks ago. She said to me... " Neecie came out and met me in Greenville yesterday, and we went to see the accident site. I was having panic attacks every time I had to cross that street, and thought I would fall apart when I saw the actual spot. But I didn't. We got out and walked around, and just stood there with her arm around me. It took the power out of it. I felt very sad, but very calm."

Grace, cut to fit...

No matter the situations we find ourselves in; no matter the hardships we must face; no matter the obstacles the enemy would put in our paths to distract us, waylay us, or destroy us, His grace...God's grace, is sufficient to carry us through it.

The song that is playing as you read this is called Rescue by Desperation Band.These are the lyrics...

You are the source
of the life
I can't be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of You.

I need You, Jesus
To come to my rescue
Where else can I go
There's no other name by
Which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow You

This world has nothing for me
I will follow You

Time and time again, He has come to my rescue. His grace is indeed sufficient for me. When it seems that all around me has fallen apart; when the air has been sucked out of my world, I will follow Him.

Where else can I go?

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