Tuesday, May 11, 2010

It Is Good To Wait Quietly....

I have been consumed....
I am a "project driven" person. When I am given a task or project to work on, I grab it by the horns and do whatever it takes to complete it. When I was working, often there were projects or tasks that took a great deal of commitment, determination and dedication to complete. It didn't matter how long it took; how many hours I spent at work; how much time it kept me away from the family...I got it done. It consumed me.. I sang in the choir, led Bible Studies, helped with VBA...and I loved it. They made me feel as though I had purpose, meaning, a reason to be here. And then one day, God took it all away from me. 
It hurt. 
I was angry. 
I was......relieved.
It took me a while to realize I was relieved because up to that point I wasn't aware of how much of my identity I had wrapped up in what I "did". I didn't really know who I was anymore. So God forced me to take a break. I had to lay it all down and do nothing for a couple of years. 
Those years were not wasted....they were invaluable. I met some amazing women who loved me through it all. I learned so much about who God is...and who I am in Him. Then He let me start picking up little things to do. I led a Bible Study for a summer. That led me to meet some more incredible women of God that I would not have met had I not done that. And then He told me it was time to sing again, which required me to step down from the Bible Study. I struggled with that one, because those ladies were my outlet to share what God was teaching me through all of this. 
Now what do I do?
And so...I began to write. I thought it was just for me; just a way to keep my thoughts and the realizations God was giving me all together. And if it just happened to bless someone else who read it, well then...so much the better.
Then someone suggested a book, which at first I found to be a crazy idea. But after many encouraging friends and much thought and prayer I thought, "Why not? How hard can it be? After all, most of it is already written. Right?"
And so it began....
re-reading again;
more editing;
more proofing;
chapter organization;
oops....can't use those pictures from the internet,
must take new pictures;
formatting the pages to book form;
copyright information on quotes used;
permission letters to be written...
who published that song, anyway?
I need an author bio??? Really?
Then began the research...
who's going to publish and print this book?
how much will it cost?
what do they offer in services?
are they legitimate?
will they format the cover?
will they market it?
Can I afford this???
It consumed me.....
In the midst of all this chaos, I found a verse one day that said, "It is good to wait quietly..." I was doing it again. I was letting this project, this task, this exciting new chapter in my life....take over my life. I wake up in the morning thinking about it; I go to bed at night thinking about it. There are lots of ways to get a book published and printed. It's really not a difficult task. There are just so many choices and decisions to make; financial resources needed; disreputable agencies to avoid. It becomes overwhelming.
Today, I was talking with my son, Ryan and he said, "Mom, you need to just stop and put everything on hold. Pray about this and wait and see what God says and does." His words took me back to that verse, "It is good to wait quietly...". I went to Lamentations and read the entire chapter.....this is what I found:
"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed
for His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; 
great is Your faithfulness.
I say to myself,
'The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for Him.'
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him,
to the one who seeks Him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord."
Lamentations 3:22-26
So I ask you Lord, to forgive me. I have once again allowed myself to become consumed by something that, while it is good and I believe ordained by you, it has taken precedence over You. So I will wait...quietly. My hope is in You and you never fail.
And for those of you who have encouraged me on this endeavor, I'm not giving up, just waiting on Him. Please continue to encourage me and pray with me for His will.
Love you all!!!

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