Sunday, October 23, 2011

A Wounded Heart....

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted 
and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalm 34:18

Last week I wrote about An Abandoned Heart and during the course of the week, God continued to reveal to me what an open heart looks like. As I pondered it through the week, I realized that an abandoned heart for God also means an open heart to others. I can't really be abandoned to Him and hold my heart closed to others. Throughout most of my life, I have lived a guarded life. Very few people, even now, know who I really am. Because of times in my life that I have been open to others and  revealed my true heart only to find my heart wounded, I was one of those people who held my heart closed to others. By Saturday morning during my quiet time, I realized it was time to fully surrender. So I sat with my Bible and my cup of tea and told the Lord, "Here's my heart, fully surrendered to you; I no longer want to hide from you, but neither do I want to hide who I am from those you have put in my life".

I guess it's no surprise that the enemy came at me with a vengeance.

My open, abandoned heart quickly became a wounded heart. And I was broken. The first instinct is to withdraw again. "See, Lord...I did what you asked me to do, and look what happened!" My husband quickly reminded me that in the last couple years God has not only allowed me to pour my life into others, but in opening my own heart I have allowed others to pour into me. And this year would not have been as bearable had I not dropped the walls and allowed others to see my vulnerabilities and support me through the fire. We were not meant to walk this life alone; God created us to be relational people and while our ultimate and most important relationship is with Him....we need each other. If I go back to hiding my heart from others then I have let the enemy win this battle. That is not an option.

I have felt His presence today; He has been close to this broken heart. And while I have shed many tears and asked the question "why?" repeatedly, I will surrender my heart once again to Him, open it to others and protect it with the armor of God. 

My abandoned heart became a wounded heart; 
but the love of my Father will make it a perfect heart.

No comments: