Thursday, March 18, 2010

Can I Trust You, God?

One of these days I'm going to learn to trust God. I know that sounds odd, but I have always had trust issues...too many times in my life that people have failed to live up to their promises or my expectations. And too many times I have allowed that to seep into my expectations of God.

I was reading a book today and the author was talking about trusting God. It seems like every time I am in a place of uncertainty and really need to trust God, I read a scripture or hear a song or read a book that reminds me.

Trust...why is that so hard for me? You see,
He's provided for me... so many times before;
He's directed me... so many times before;
He's caught many times before.
And yet, here I am again...
Wondering if maybe this time He won't.
Maybe this time, He's too busy.
Maybe this time...I'm not worth it.

Back to the started me pondering. God is HUGE! There is no way to describe His greatness, or imagine His greatness, or compare His greatness! There is nothing AS big as God, nor anything TOO big for God to overcome. That knowledge alone should be enough to appease all our cares, worries, anxieties, fears, questions, uncertainties...anything that comes our way.

But, the fear that comes my way...and yes, I'll call it what it is - that because He is so huge, maybe I'm too insignificant to be of His concern. Maybe...

My concerns
My unfulfilled desires
My financial needs
My forks in the road
My wishes, my hopes, my dreams...
Maybe for God, they are just too small to be bothered with.
Or, maybe they aren't!

In the spring of 2005, I bought a lilac tree. It was a beautiful little bush with deep purple blooms. In the spring of 2006, it didn't bloom much. I was afraid I had killed it! You see, I'm not very good with plant life. But the lady at the nursery told me that when they are transplanted it will take them a year or two to bloom again. By 2007 the blooms had doubled and in the spring of 2008, it was loaded with fragrant purple blossoms. I loved this little lilac bush.

In the fall of 2008 we had to move. I really hated leaving that little tree, but we didn't know where we would be moving, so I had to leave it. The house we eventually moved into had lots of trees in the back yard, but since it was the end of fall, they were all "leaf-less" and I had no idea what kind they were. Remember, I'm plant-challenged.

One rainy morning in the spring of 2009, I was getting my youngest son off to school. As I looked out the back window, feeling bad that he would have to walk to the bus stop in the rain, I saw something....a purple blossom. I stood and stared and said, out loud..."No way! Would God really do that for me?"  After I prayed with my son and sent him out the door, I went to the back window and looked again. It certainly looked like a lilac blossom, but I wasn't sure.

So, still in my pajamas, I ran out in the rain and cut off a blossom. Up close, it still looked like a lilac. But, I just couldn't believe it. Honestly, I was afraid to believe it. So I looked up a picture on the internet and compared them. "I really think this is a lilac!" And the tears began to flow....

Would God really do that for me?
Did He really care that much, 
that He would give me a lilac tree?
After the hard places I had been in the previous year...
the simple gift of a lilac tree?

As I stood there in the kitchen and continued to look outside, I noticed something else....a white blossom in the tree right next to the purple lilac. I've always wanted a white lilac tree! Could it be? Another trip out into the rain....

Would God really do that for me?
Did He really care that much, 
that He would give me another lilac tree?
A white lilac tree?

It was more than I could contain at that moment. I went upstairs to get dressed and begin my day, all the while amazed that God had done this thing for me. After making up the bed and straightening the room, I went over and pulled up the blinds...I just had to see those two trees one more time.

What is that?
No couldnt' be!!!
One, two, three...four....FIVE!
I have five lilac trees in the back yard!

Would God really do that for me?
Did he really care that much, 
that He would give me five lilac trees?

Yes...He did. Such a small thing. To think that the God of the universe knew how much I loved my little lilac tree. He knew that I always wanted a white one to go with the purple one I had. He knew that when we moved I would miss that tree. And long before I was aware of it....He provided a house with not one, not two, but five lilac trees...two of them, white.
God is huge. There is no way to describe His greatness, or imagine His greatness, or compare His greatness! There is nothing AS big as God, nor anything TOO big for God to overcome.

And there is nothing too small for Him to care about.

Can I trust You, God? Can I rest in the knowledge that You have my best interests in mind? Can I believe that You are able to do more than I could ever ask or imagine? Can I trust You with the big things as well as the small ones?

Yes, I believe I can!

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
 but we trust in the name of the LORD our God."
Psalm 20:7


Laura said...

This has really touched my heart and spirit. I am in agreement with you that this is how God works and how He breaks our hearts with His perfect love. I am proud of you for blogging and the way you put this together amazes me, keep using your talent to share your heart and your Savior. It reminds me that God's will for me is as simple as sharing lilacs. How could you know the significance of lilacs to me and how this will go out of my life now -- a painting? a reference a gift to someone who needs lilacs? It just keeps going because you obeyed your Lord.xxoo

Cindy said...

Lena, this is so good. God really does care about us, right down to the tiniest details of our hopes and dreams. I needed this reminder!